Expectations

Written by: Nour Yousri.

 After nearly an hour of washing the sleep off her still worn out body and contemplating how her night will turn out to be like, she reluctantly pushed aside the floral curtains and stepped out of the bathtub. She has always felt too lazy to take a shower, but once the warm water made contact with her skin, she felt like she could stay in there forever. She chuckled at the thought.

    Shay stood in front of the mirror, studying herself like she frequently did. She has always felt subconscious about her nose, and just as the thought finally subsided, she caught herself pinching and pulling at her nose, in a futile attempt to fix it. After taking one last glance, she opened the door and stepped outside into the cold room.

   She hadn't noticed the heat and vapour that had clogged the bathroom until she got out; you would think the bathroom has been bombarded by an atomic bomb if you hadn't known someone was just taking a long, hot shower in there. Shay approached the dress that lay on her queen-sized bed, excited to finally wear it; she has spent hours on end trying it every night ever since she bought it nearly two months ago.

After squeezing into her dress and hopping into her 7cm stilettos, it was finally time to curl her hair and apply makeup. Shay was used to walking in dangerously high heels, it was like a piece of cake to her. She giggled as the image of Trisha,  her best friend, face planting the floor as she tried take a step in her stilettos popped up into her mind. Shay had her makeup and hairstyle all set up in her brain, for quite a long time in fact.

As her long, bony fingers started to work their magic onto her face, she couldn't help  but admire the winged eyeliner and smoky eye shadow she has almost effortlessly applied. Her friends had asked her to help them with the make up but she managed to make a good enough excuse not to. She couldn't be late for her prom, the mere thought made her nervous. Shay finished curling her hair and let the long curls fall down her shoulders.

   After finishing up, she made her way to her full-length mirror and took a deep breath before looking at her piece of art. A huge smile drew its way on her face when she saw the beautiful young lady who stared right back at her. Shay looked like a princess, heck she even felt like one. It was a feeling she longed for, a feeling she hasn't encountered for quite a long time now. Her knee-length white dress hugged her slim figure almost perfectly. She admired the glowing red pearls that circled the cuff of her sleeve, complimenting her otherwise simple dress.

    Now finally ready to go, Shay's head suddenly turned towards the clock on her wall, scared she might be running late. She was too caught up in the process of getting ready she almost forgot time even existed. As she realised she still had time, Shay let out a breath she didn't realise she was holding. Grabbing her purse on the way, she left her room and ran down the stairs, as much as her high heels could allow, careful not to fall down the flight of stairs and injure herself after all the preparation.

     Shay kissed her little brother good bye and her heart made those little backward flips when he told her she was going to be the most beautiful girl in prom. Little compliments like those even from a little human being like that could make her day. As she opened the front door, Shay was greeted with a breeze of wind that caressed her cheeks. Content with the weather, she started walking to the party that was just two blocks away from her house. She was utterly scared she would have to walk in the rain, it would've ruined her hair and smudged her face with make up.

I Am Human.

I am a human, I die everyday and everywhere. I am a human, I get enslaved and mocked. I am a human, I see my dream flying away before my eyes to greed, war, to the pockets of the filthy rich 0.1% that rules the world. I am a human, it hurts me to see that the news of that celebrity's wedding is on the first page and I'm not, just because of profit. I am a human, it hurts me to see people doing jobs they hate to buy things they were mocked into needing by glamorous advertising while the advertisers win billions. I am a human, it hurts me to see multinational companies enslaving children, letting them work for the cheapest wages to minimize their costs and double their billions, screw their billions. I am a human, I hate seeing generals telling their soldiers what to think, what to eat, what to feel, turning them into heartless killing machines. I am a human, it hurts me to see an old woman in prison because she couldn't pay her debt while all killers are free. I am a human, I suffer to pay for my children's school fees, I suffer to buy them that glamorously advertised shoe they want, and sometimes I just sit down helplessly crying, watching hunger sharpen the beloved bodies of theirs to death, or watching a missile catch their lives before hunger can.

I am a human, I don't want to kill or conquer. I want the world to heal and prosper. I am a human, I don't want to live by other people's misery. I want to live by their happiness. I am a human, I don't believe in borders. I believe in unity. I want to fight for a new world, a decent world. I want to help everyone. I want to help black, white, old, young, religious, non-religious. I am a human, I don't want to see anymore machines, anymore planes, anymore cars, I want to see humanity and kindness. I dream of living on an earth with equal chances for everyone, on a good earth that has room for everyone, and can provide for everyone. I am a human, I want to see hate disappearing, and dictators dying. I am a human, I don't want to be told that I have the power to change because I have "democracy", in a world where the only thing that can give a man power is money. I am a human, and when I see news of people dying around the world, I want to cry. I don't want to share and like, I want to dwell in and cry, just to know that I am still human.

Nuri: A Light That Shines

 I encourage you to listen to the song above, and understand its lyrics while reading to be able to better understand the part of the short story written in italic. Thank you. 

 Nuri, the dreamer and passionate, the one with preserved innocence that she had embraced not because it was all she knows, but because she has seen it all. Nuri was raised from the godforsaken depths of loneliness where her only company was the echo in her mind, like a solitary traveler lost in a cave, to breathe once again. 

  Nuri, once filled with life and energy, a fearless soul and an indomitable spirit has set sail in the sea of love with cheap wood and thin arms. She thought she could never get hurt, and given the innocence she's always had she blindly trusted the good in others. Given the pure heart she is, she thought everyone else was just like her. She used to always tell herself that she was smart enough to stay safe from the bone crushing waves of heartbreak, a lie she told herself to keep herself calm in the frontlines of danger. But then the heartbreak came, and the person she loved with all her heart has so coldly left her alone to drown. It was like an awakening slap that reminded her of how amateur she was at sailing, how much of a stranger she was to suffering. Her heart was left like a city struck with a storm and abandoned, where the sun shines on the silence that follows to find no one.

  A whole year passes, and Nuri is still struggling with all what she has of power in her weakened body, struggling with the bitterly cold echo in her head that demeans her beauty and makes her, one of the most beautiful you can ever know, believe that she is nothing of worth. Nuri was in war with her own thoughts, her back against the wall and her happiness in the hand of that dreaded voice in her head. Everything about Nuri has changed by now, except one thing. That she was indomitable, refusing to give in. Her courage has set her sailing again into finding that thread of light in the darkness that can guide her to safety once again, she continued to sail like a maniac till it was only a matter of time that she finds the light. She started realizing that it was not her fault that she was left like that and bit by bit she started seeing herself in an all anew shade. She started appreciating how rare and beautiful of a heart she has, how brave and courageous of a soul she possesses and how she was the good person throughout. She started treating herself kindly as the magic of time healed her cuts and bruises, she promised herself that she will start focusing on building a life of ambition and potential so that her happiness and feeling of self-worth will never fall again in the hands of another person. She started dreaming, and her dreams multiplied her beauty in the eyes of those who see her speaking passionately about them, with a spark in her shy and captivating eyes. Her lively and energetic self has started to come back, she has even started explaining to her dad her new perspective on life. Her dad could not hold in his happiness, and started to cry.

 Nuri glows now as bright as ever, like a star whose light carries on endlessly even after its death. Nuri has only become a stronger person, but still innocent and golden-hearted just because she chose to let go of whatever pain that has been inflicted on her from the filth of others. She refuses to become a mirror image of the person who left her, or a mirror image of whatever ugliness there is in this world. She understands that she was born to live with a pure heart, to become a savior of the heartbroken and a warrior against injustice, she now knows that it is not just anyone who is worthy of this heart of hers.

Nuri: Power Of Quiet

  As a child, Nuri always preferred to sit on the head of her home's six chair kitchen table made of cedar wood, in a kitchen that is separated by a cabinet from the living room where her grandfather used to sit down on his rocking chair beside the warmth of the fire dancing in the hearth, dressed in his comfy housecoat, indulged in his history books. Nuri liked to sit on the head of the kitchen table because from there, she could see her grandfather through the hollow in the middle of the cabinet. She used to love taking a small break from her homework and start discussing history with him. Their topic would change almost every month, from Hitler to M.Luther King, from Al-Khawarizmi to Abraham Lincoln.

 What sparked Nuri's passion for history was an innocent question she had in her head throughout her childhood; how can humanity have the great and honourable, savage and horrible all at once? She usually asked her grandfather such deep and introspective questions like the one she once asked him, after which they stayed up all night till the warm winter sun rays cracked through the three inches of the window left open onto their feet as they sat on the ground; is the world such an ugly place to be for good people?

 Nuri's parents were aspiring scientists, working on their desktops for hours trying to figure out the algorithms and design requirements for an idea of a renovated artificial limb that they have built in their heads during the tens of hours of discussions they loved to have after their nights of love and closeness. Nuri loved to follow her parents to the university campus where she used to get treated like a princess by all the staff working there. She loved quietly watching everyone collaborated for a great purpose, she always made sure to join in by giving some advise or bringing everyone food for lunch break.

 On Sundays, the whole family used to enjoy quiet nights where everyone was curled on his own book or movie waiting impatiently for the savoury-smelling dinner getting ready in the oven. Such nights were Nuri's favourite, because she could enjoy the warmth and intimacy of having her beloved ones beside her while being able to wander in the adventure-land in her book at the same time. When dinner got ready, everyone left their books and laptops where they were and gathered around the table. Dinner time was the time when everyone got to share a part of the book they were reading, or the movie they were watching and soon into the night, everyone has become a part of a mind-stimulating discussion.

 Nuri's home was far from perfect, however. There were conflicts as in every home, but the only difference is that everyone knew what do in the time of conflict. The two in conflict would lock themselves in a room, and try to discuss their matters in the most gentle way they can. No shouting, cursing or throwing accusations was allowed in the house. Everyone made sure they learnt the art of clean and effective communication, so that harmony is achieved amongst all. The basis this house was built on were intimacy and harmony, honesty and strong consciousness, gentleness and putting the needs of everyone before one's own needs. It was her heaven, her escape from the cruelty and lack of logic in the world outside the window of her room. Nuri's home was an overwhelming feeling of warmth she would never forget, it is the place were she grew up to become the successful, modest and reflective young woman she is now. It was where she learnt to embrace the power of quiet.

Nuri: a Hymn To The Sensitive.

 Nuri is a girl who is known to feel so strongly, to an extent that she can be described as a human with her heart in her hands. Nothing covers this heart of hers from her external world, she feels every single thing as it is, sometimes amplified to hightened levels no one can imagine but another human of her equivalent. Every word, every action, every energy or even the slightest change of behaviour of another person penetrates straight into her heart. Nuri is the kind of girl who walks shyly with her shopping cart on the right side of a hall in her local supermarket, so that no one will feel discomfort because of her and who pauses her whole life for a stray cat crying for help. Nuri prays for days on end for a person that was involved in an accident she saw from far away three weeks ago. She feels the sun rays breaking its way through the branches, before they encounter her face with the warmth of the spring day and stands on a rock by the shore as a storm breaks through the sea and the waves start shaking her on the rock she's standing on. Nuri feels as free as the leaf that falls down in autumn, as happy as the rose that opens up in the spring and as outrageous as the waves splattering chaotically in every direction in the midst of the winter. Nuri is driven with passion, and meaning to her life is like the air she breathes. Most probably sixty five percent of her time is spent pondering on the meaning of her life. She enjoys every moment of pride like a king standing on the ruins of a city he conquered, and tortures herself for every moment of shame like the whole world was standing before her as she got embarrassed. She's the same person who may not sleep at night thinking about an awkward moment she had with a stranger, or a failed encounter with a person she likes. She might also feel superbly annoyed when she chooses the wrong flavour of ice cream, it might not leave her mind for an hour or so. Nuri, is a highly compassionate and misunderstood person, an activist for the heart-broken and the forgotten, a flame of passion that lights the lives of those she knows with inspiration.

Nomadic things.

 We've all heard since we were young about the feeling of belonging to a place, to the extent of not being able to survive anywhere else for long. People who feel this are very lucky indeed, however, the more I get to know myself the more I realise that I was born with the antithesis of this feeling, a passionate flame and yearning for wandering this earth like a stranger in a strange land. I find myself when I'm lost in the midst of places
and faces I've never known of, in train stations and airplanes. With every new culture I unravel, a magical aura of maturity, experience and understanding of this world is added to who I am. And as I get to realise that this world is not as scary as we think it is, I feel like I belong to the whole of it.

Lullaby.

 What is human but a miscellany of emotions, with all its ecstatic highs and miserable lows? But a ball of fire captured in chains of steel warning to burn all what's around it, eating it up all no matter a paper or a vast forest. In this article I want to speak about the most elegant form of human existence, the beautiful soul that is capable of molding these emotions into a beautiful work of art like clay, a work of art called a human. Such a soul does not fear facing the animal-like savage of its own emotions, such soul has the ability to tame the wild like the lullaby of the most heavenly voice tames a lion.  This very soul does not ignore or leave untamed that lion, but charms it to be a friend of loyality. It is like candle light that reaches the ends of a darkened path guiding whoever is passing by to its warmth and humble shine, and I have seen it translate into humanly expressions like a maternal smile brimming with care or a shy glance of pure child-like love, that shines your way till you die.